Well the title of this post says a lot. Hayden and I went to talk over the pathology report with the doctor and we both knew something wasn’t right when he didn’t come in and immediately say, “We got it all.” So here are the details that matter most. Chemo was very successful. Ninety-nine percent of the cancer cells were dead but, that pesky one percent is still viable cancer. When a tumor shrinks from the effects of chemo it either melts away like an ice cube or it crumbles like a cookie. Unfortunately mine crumbled. So clean margins weren’t possible and more tissue must be removed. It will require more surgery extending the cancer journey into 2015 with surgery, followed by radiation and reconstructive surgery. And yet, God is faithful. On the way to the doctor’s office I turned up the radio and allowed The David Crowder Band’s I AM to blare across the airwaves in my van. The chorus goes like this:
Holding on to You.
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm,
I am Holding on,
I don’t know how Crowder and Ed Cash intended for the “I am” to be written but, for me it is I AM. For those who might not know Moses was being called by God to go and lead the Israelites out of slavery from Egypt and into freedom in the promised land. Moses asked “Who shall I tell them sent me?” “I AM who I AM,” God replied, “Tell them I AM sent you.” (Exodus 3-4) I AM is basically God’s way of saying “I am he who exists…It points to the timelessness of God and His ever-present existence…” (Hebrew – Greek Key Word Study Bible). God is the self-existing God. He doesn’t need anyone else to make him God. He is simply the self-existent one and he has been faithful to get us to this point of the journey and He will see us through to the end.
Please pray for us as we continue walking though. There are lots of emotions to process and more decisions to make. May God receive all the glory and praise for He is worthy. Thanks for reading, praying and constantly encouraging us. I have the best family and friends that a person could ever ask for. You have called or checked in, sent cards, brought meals, taken care of kids and just been there. Saying “Thank you” will never be enough to express the love and gratitude we have for you all.